I am amused by conspiracy theories.

Whether we’re talking about the moon landings, the JFK assassination, the 9/11 attacks, or the president’s birth certificate, some people just can’t accept the official version of events. Because everything doesn’t add up or fit into neat little stacks they assume that there must be some great power behind the scenes pulling the wool over a gullible public’s eyes.

And it’s not a new phenomenon either. There are people who believe that the execution and burial of Jesus was faked and covered up too.

What amuses me is the mental gymnastics people will go through to stitch seeming anomalies together and how they explain away the obvious answers.

Problems

The thing is conspiracy theories require too many people to be able to keep the secret. Secrets are notoriously hard to keep, especially within government bureaucracies.

Speaking of the government, conspiracy theories assume the government is this super organized, highly efficient and perfectly capable organization. In my own experience working with the government on both the civilian and the military side of things it’s not like that at all.

Usually conspiracy theories have at least one, but usually several, wild conjectures that, while plausible, are completely unsupported with any factual evidence.

Conspiracy theorists usually have a need for things to have a logical cause and for everything to make sense. In life, however, people sometimes do things for irrational reasons and there are times when things really don’t make much sense.

Plus there are often alternate explanations for events that can fit the available facts.

Because all that is true, I decided to make up my very own conspiracy theory about the recent killing of Osama bin Laden. I was inspired by the episode of NCIS Los Angeles that aired this week where they staged the fake death of one of the characters. Here it goes.

Bin Laden Is Still Alive

What if they staged Bin Laden’s death and he wasn’t killed at all. (Stay with me on this even though it sounds a bit kooky.)

You see, Bin Laden is know to have used decoys to confuse the US and others chasing him down.  According to my theory the US actually captured one of the decoys but didn’t tell anyone about it. Say they held onto to him, locked away in secret, until they actually found the real Bin Laden.

Then this past Sunday they capture the real Bin Laden and kill the decoy, who no one knows was being held, so that everyone thinks the real Bin Laden is dead. That way they can interrogate Bin Laden at their leisure for as long as they like because everyone thinks he’s dead.

He’ll be a treasure trove of intelligence for years to come.

Fitting the Facts

My bogus theory fits the available facts.

It gives a good reason for the 25 minute video blackout. It explains why Bin Laden’s wife says he surrendered and then was shot afterward. His wife didn’t see him die, only his daughter did.

He could have been captured, taken out of site for a few moments, then the decoy brought in and killed.

This theory also explains why the US needed to dispose of the body quickly and why they don’t want to release the photos. Since they captured Bin Laden they have DNA for testing.

It also could explain the wildly changing stories coming out of the White House. It fits perfectly with Obama’s slip of the tongue when he talked how we “captured and killed” Bin Laden.

As far as conspiracy theories go, I think mine is a pretty good one. It only calls for one completely unsupported conjecture. And that one is even relatively plausible.

Story Rights

I expect someone in Hollywood will begin working on the screenplay very soon. (Oliver Stone, perhaps?)

Hopefully they’ll remember to send me my royalty checks. 😉